12 things to do and one don't -- Valentine's week edition

CELEBRITIES: CAN'T HELP FALLING IN LOVE Toss that teddy bear. Wouldn't your Valentine prefer a visit from Elvis Presley? Norton's Florist can make it happen next Friday, if you have $120-$150 to spend. Harold Schultz, an Elvis impersonator from Atlanta, will deliver floral arrangements and roses by the dozen. He'll also provide husky vocals and hip-swiveling guitar moves. Reservations due by Wednesday: 313-1915.

DRINKS: I'LL CLINK TO THAT
Pop the cork on Argyle Brut, a sparkling wine from Oregon. Tiny bubbles and fragrant aromas make this a worthy splurge item ($27.99) at the Vintage Wine Shoppe. For elegant presentation: Serve in glass flutes and savor the flavors of apple, vanilla, honey and lemon custard.

CONCERTS: CUPID, TAKE A BOW
Snuggle with other couples when Brian McKnight performs. He's a specialist in what some call "baby-making music," smooth R&B songs that set a romantic tone. McKnight, 39, even had Grammy in his thrall, receiving nominations for radio hits such as "Love of My Life" and "Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda." Hear him croon; watch listeners swoon at 8 p.m. next Friday at the BJCC Arena. Tix: $38-$50 through Ticketmaster.

FOOD: WITH COFFEE, IT'S A PERFECT MATCH
Lick the icing. Valentine's Day was made for doughy decadence -- and for pink and red sprinkles. Krispy Kreme is offering heart-shaped doughnuts at some of its stores, including the ones in Midfield and Tuscaloosa, through Feb. 14. Price: 99 cents each, $6.99 per dozen. Info: www.krispykreme.com.

BOOKS: A PASSION FOR LITERATURE
Think about rapture and jealousy, bliss and obsession. Strong emotions are the stuff of great fiction, and you'll find plenty of them in "Love Stories" ($15, Everyman). Eat your heart out, Erich Segal; the tales in this collection come from masterful writers such as Colette, Dorothy Parker, Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Italo Calvino.

CDS: MYTH UNDERSTANDING
Pose on the half-shell, with tongue firmly in cheek. Ben Lee, a singer-songwriter from Australia, did exactly that for the cover of his new disc, "The Rebirth of Venus" ($16.98, New West). He pays homage to the goddess of love -- and bravely explores his feminine side -- with pop songs that range from reflective to whimsical. Highlights: "Boy With a Barbie," "Yoko Ono," "What's so Bad (About Feeling Good)."

PETS: WAG, WAG. PANT, PANT. DROOL, DROOL
Hug your pooch on Feb. 14, but not too tightly. No need for squirming on "Love Your Dog Day," as proclaimed by Birmingham Boston Terrier Rescue. Pets are welcome at a party sponsored by the group, 11 a.m.-2 p.m. at Altadena Valley Animal Clinic. On the agenda: Microchips ($25), Valentine treats and a four-legged fashion show. (Adoptable Boston will serve as models.) Info: www.bhambtr.org.

VISUAL ARTS: LITTLE DID WE KNOW
Remember what mom always said: Good things come in small packages. You'll need a bit of ribbon, too, after shopping at "Microlove." Miniature artworks and jewelry are on display at Naked Art Gallery in Forest Park. On our wish list: candy-heart necklaces ($15-$35), "Winter Sushi" felt pins ($16), sparkly pop-top earrings ($16) and recycled sweater cuffs with flower motifs ($16). Info: 595-3553 or www.nakedartusa.com.

MOVIES: BECAUSE OPPOSITES ATTRACT
Bring a date to "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." Girls, it's a relationship flick. Guys, it's all about the special effects. Oddly enough, David Fincher has married both approaches in his Oscar-nominated drama, about a Louisiana sailor (played by Brad Pitt) who's born with the physical characteristics of an 86-year-old. He ages backward, growing up but progressively younger, and finds happiness -- temporary, of course -- with a red-haired dancer (Cate Blanchett).

THEATER: IT TAKES TWO
Double your pleasure with "Romance/Romance." One-act musicals, "The Little Comedy" and "Summer Share," will be presented in tandem by Magic City Actors Theatre. That's exactly as the composer and lyricist intended, linking the pair with a common theme (luv, luv, luv) and a shared song, "It's Not Too Late." In the cast: Jan Hunter, Carl Dean, Kristen Sharp and Lonnie Parsons. Opens next Friday at the Virginia Samford Theatre. Tix: $35. Info: 251-1206 or www.virginiasamfordtheatre.org.

GOOD DEEDS: SWEET FETE
Say goodbye to that Hershey's bar. It'll seem utterly mundane after you attend "Wild About Chocolate," a Feb. 14 benefit for the Alabama Wildlife Foundation. Gourmet goodies -- truffles, cakes, cookies, dipping fountains -- are sure to delight chocoholics, 7-10 p.m. at WorkPlay. Also on the agenda: music, dancing and an auction. Tix: $75 advance, $100 at the door. Info: 663-7930 or www.awrc.org.

INTERNET: GETTING MOUTHY
Refine your smooching techniques. Believe it or not, YouTube (www.youtube.com) has instructional videos on this subject. We screened several for laughs -- "How to Kiss Creatively" and "How to Kiss With Passion" reminded us of skits on "Saturday Night Live" -- but doubt they'd be useful for practical purposes. Locking lips, like swimming, hitting a baseball or riding a bike, is best learned the old-fashioned way.

AND ONE DON'T -- SHOPPING: THAT'S WHY THEY CALL 'EM GAG GIFTS
Listen up, pranksters: No silly underwear as presents for Valentine's Day. You know what we're talking about: boxer shorts adorned with cartoon Cupids, polyester thongs with glitter hearts, granny panties that say "Sexy Lady." Typically, the giver regards these as a riot; the recipient wants to die of embarrassment. If you must give something tacky, we suggest Aqua Velva aftershave or a Whitman's Sampler.